Secret Service
by Evil donut man
Summary: Skull Kid's hyper, Link's horny, and there are movie rip-offs! R&R, no flames, as this is my first time writing. READ!
1. Doilies, doilies, every where!

Just for the record, you have to replade the 1 at the end of the adress with a 2 if you wanna get to chapter 2, because the box won't appear in chapter one. If any one knows how to fix this, e-mail me, or review to help, please. Thanks!

Look, I own absolutely nothing! I'll think of more funny disclaimers and stuff later

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_**Secret Service**_

Our story begins at the out skirts of Clock Town, home to the elfin like creatures called "Terminanians" (A/N- is that what they're called, people from 'Termina'?).

"Hey!" came a cheerful voice, "Skull kid! Where are you?"

"Over here, Link," said another voice, presumably Skull kids', "By the hallowed out log!"

Link ran over to the log laughing, (Heh Heh… I said 'log') and he and Skull kid, the man (or boy) behind the mask who tried to destroy Termina, were playing a game before Link left for Hyrule. Link planned to play a game called 'secret service', where he and Skull kid pretended to be guards, protecting Clock town from evildoers.

"So, Link," said Skull Kid, " What are we going to do today?"

"Same thing we do every night, Skull Kid… … … Try to ta-" "Eewww…!" Interrupted Skull Kid, " Link, We're not old enough for that, and **_I ain't no girl!" _**Links' eye started twitching " Geez, ya could have fooled me… … …" Muttered Link, "Not that, Skull Kid. I'm saving'Mini-Me' for Zelda." Said Link, blushing. "Well, more like 'Mega-Me'… … …" He started to look into space, blushed again, and started to drool. Skull Kid just stared at him, amazed at his horny-ness. "Link!" Screamed Skull Kid, smacking the back of Link's head, "Wake up!" "Oh, ya!" yelled Link, out of his trance and 'thoughts' of Zelda, "Oy… … …" Sighed Skull Kid, shaking his head, Link started again, "Same thing we do every **_DAY_** Skull Kid… Try to take over Termina!" Exclaimed Link, raising his hands in the air. (Pinky and The Brain theme plays, the Skull Kid and the Link, the Skull Kid and the Link, one is not smart, the other's in green…)

"We're not really doing that, are we, Link…?" "No, but I was thinking," answered Link, " We could guard Clock Town! (A/N- ya, more like rob and destroy it ) You could guard the entrance to North Clock Town, and I could guard East Clock Town, incase Saken, the thief, comes back." The two boys went to their posts, and marched back and forth.

Soon, Link got board, and fell asleep. But not Skull kid, Oh, no. He was too hyper from his breakfast of candy. Soon, a mysterious figure with a large pack on his back came down from the Snow Head Mountains. Thinking that it was the Happy Mask Salesman, the one who started all this, Skull Kid readied himself for attack.

As the figure made it's way closer, Skull Kid saw that it was a Goron (Link-goro, to be exact).

"I'm sorry, Mister Goron, but until you get your teeth fixed, You can't pass here." (really, have you _seen _his teeth?)

"What do you mean, goro? I've got a reservation at the Stock Pot Inn, goro. Let me through, goro!" Said Link-goro as he shoved Skull kid aside, unaware of his sugar-induced violence.

"You've broken the fourth wall!" Screamed Skull Kid, leaping at poor, stupid Link-goro, beating him to a pulp.

Link, awoken by Link-goro's cries of pain, ran over to Skull Kid and tried to pull him off of the Goron's unconscious body.

"Skull Kid! What are you doing?" Screamed Link "Why didn't you tell me that you were going to beat up random by-standers? You know I've always wanted to do that!"

Skull Kid looked at his feet. "Sorry, Link, but he broke the fourth wall! You know that I can't control myself when people do that…" "That's okay, Skull Kid…" said Link putting his hand on Skull Kids shoulder, "Hey, let's attack Anju, the inn keeper!" exclaimed Link, jumping up and down. "Ya! But first, we must get rid of this body… Then we can get her on the way to kitchen, and take her wallet!" cried Skull Kid

And so they buried the goron outside of the Stock Pot Inn, and attacked Anju, then spent many a rupee on paper doilies, in which they used to doiley-ize the town.

To be Continued…

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So, How'd you like it? Good? Bad? Parsnip? Review and tell me! This is my first time, so go easy, Ok? No flames but constructive criticism is ok. If you have any ideas for my next chapter, then please tell me so that I can give credit to the reviewer at the beginning of the next chapter. Try to keep it G-PG rated, cause… my parents watch me like Saken does the bomb lady. Bye! **Disappears in a flash of chocolate sprinkles**


	2. The night of the Living Movie Ripoffs!

_**Secret Service**_

INSAMEmnky: Thanks for the review, and I'll take that to mind… Sorry, I don't know what else to say… It's 2:00 in the morning. So… um… ya.

Izzylala: Thanks for the advice. I never really knew when to start a paragraph… I actually thought that I make an other one when I thought it was long enough. Thanks for reviewing!

Doshi the Yoshi: Link was going to say "Try to take over the world!", as said in the next word… sentence… thingy… um, ya. Skull Kid thought that Link was meant, well, what do you do at night? Why do you think Link made reference to 'mini-me' ? Think about it. cough Sex! cough

Floofy:  Thanks for reviewing! Oh, and Skull Kid's random sugar-induced violence will appear _much_ more during the fanfic!

zeldaisthebest: Thanks, and there isn't really any plot… … … but soon, there will be! Eventually, Link will get back to Hyrule, and Mido will have sugar-induced violence.

I really appreciate all your reviews, guys and either when you read this, or in 3 seconds, mumbles 3, 2, 1, **Now!** … Darn…

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, but I do own about 3000 points on ( trading cards section)

Don't forget to review and give me ideas for chapter three!

Last scene, we saw Link and Skull Kid doily-ize the town…

" Hey, come back here!" yelled an angry guard as he chased Link and Skull Kid through Clock Town

"Ya, youngins! Get yur book learned edumacation behinds back here! Y'all hear me? Yelled an un kept guard, from the Southern Swamp.

"Um… What?" said Link, as he ran through South Clock Town, Skull Kid trailing behind him.

" Link…" Wheezed Skull Kid, " Now go on without me, Ok? I'll just slow you down…" Skull Kid then dropped to the ground, dead.

"Skull Kid!" cried Link, rushing to Skull Kid's side, "No… don't leave… You still owe me money!"

Suddenly, Skull Kid leaned up in Link's arms. ( A/N: No, this won't be a slash, ya sickos…) "Hold me closer, Ed… … … It's getting dark… Tell Old yeller he's a good dog… Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home Christmas…"

"Hey, who's Tiny Ti- Oomph!" said the guard, who had stopped chasing the duo, "Hey!" cried the other guard, "Don't ruin the moment!"

"And tell-… aw, screw it! Let's get out of here!" Skull Kid yelled as he got back up, and ran to North Clock Town.

"Good idea, Skull Kid! The guards wouldn't dare go to North Clock Town!" said Link as he and Skull Kid ran through North Clock Town

"Come on Billy Bob! We can still catch them and- Aw, crap. They went to North Clock Town. You know we're forbidden there!"

" Ya, let's get back to our posts, George." Said Billy Bob, and walked back to his post.

"Let's get to the great fairy." Said Link.

"Okay." Said Skull Kid, wondering why the author was too lazy to go into great detail...

"Hey, it's the Great Fairy!" cried Link, as he bowed to the Fairy, along with Skull Kid .

"Oh, get up, already! If It's anything I hate, It's grovelers." Cried out the Great Fairy, clearly annoyed.

"Sorry, Great Fairy." Sail Link, also wondering why the author was writing at about… 2:32 AM.

"God! Don't apologize! It's always 'sorry' and 'forgive me' and 'I'm not worthy'! Just take the Holy Grai- I mean ruby and leave!" Yelled the Fairy, and sank back into the water.

Link noticed that Skull Kid was eyeing the badge weirdly…

"Um… Skull Kid? You alright?"

"Yes, but look! The guards are coming!" cried Skull Kid, pointing to a fern.

"Uh-oh!" yelled Link.

"Looks like we're gonna have to jump!" cried Link and Skull Kid, as they floated in mid-jump.

( Song v)

Today is alright for tonight!

Riding in a corvette, and feeling alright,

Today is alright for tonight…!

(music)

Today is alright for tonight!

Riding in a corvette, and feeling alright,

Today is alright for tonight…!

(music)

Then Skull Kid fell before the song ended, and crushed his skull. I'm just kidding… but not really. Ya, I am. He just landed on his head.

" Skull Kid!" said Link, "Are you alright?"

"Yes… We are alright… Yes… We have the precious…" hissed Skull Kid as he snatched the ruby out of Link's hands,

"Yes… The precious says to go to the canyon… Yeses… We won't listen to those stupid little guardses… No, we won't…

So Link, being the ahem, slow, hero he is, fallowed Gollum… Oops… I mean Skull Kid to that canyon, only to find…

"Precious!" cried a voice from the canyon…

Aha! Who is that voice? WHO KNOWS! Tell me! I've seen your reviews! You know everything that happens in stories! attacks all knowing person So, person, **_Tell me you saw that coming, punk!_** Argh! I know you're out there! This fanfic represents your big, stupid head! rips fanfic up into a million pieces Ok, I'm good. I lost control… so… Review, and all flames will be used to cook the soup that feeds Mr. Crackers, my pet emu. Bye! disappears is a flash of chocolate sprinkles


	3. If I was a farmer, I'd probably farm cor...

_**Secret Service**_

Um, ya. Has anyone thought of a way to get the chapter box up yet? If so, I'll give you credit, and a copy of war craft II, Battle. Net! **Cops show up, drags Evil Donut Man away **No! It wasn't a burnt copy! NO!

Disclaimer: (cop) Evil Donut Man, you have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can and will be used against you in court. (Evil Donut Man) No! I don't own Zelda, or any Zelda related content! I only own a burnt copy of war craft, and star craft! If I get ten (10) reviews, maybe they'll let me go!

The last we saw Link, he was…Um… what was he doing? **Checks ch.2 **Aw, yes… Last we saw Link, He and Skull Kid were on their way to The Canyon! **Thunder Clashes**… Um ya. Here we go…

When Link and Skull Kid arrived, they noticed that Saken was prancing around like a freak by the river ( A/N: Which when I played, that freaked me out, with the music and all, and with the creepy way he speaks… **shudder**).

"Precious!" Cried out Saken as he pranced over to Skull Kid, "That's a very nice precious… Stalkid!"

"Our name is Skull Kid. We likes to use our American name, and not our Japanese name, don't we precious…?" Hissed Skull Kid/Stalkid to his, ahem, 'Precious'.

"Cans we sees the precious, master Skull kid? It's pretty… So pretty…" Whispered Saken silently, as he hopped around.

"Bing bing bing!" screamed Tatl, as she glowed red while flying around Saken, "Link! I don't trust this guy! See how I'm glowing red? Look at me!  _Why won't you look at me?_ God! Fine! See if I care if the ruby is stolen thanks to movie rip-offs!"

Suddenly, a flash of chocolate sprinkles and jimmies appeared! It was Evil Donut Man!

"Argh!" Cried out Saken, clutching his eyes, "My eyes! They burn! All I see is a horrible rainbow!"

"Oops… I must have gotten some jimmies in his eyes." Said Evil Donut Man as Saken continued to have multiple spasms on the ground, still clutching his eyes.

Later 

"So I says to him, I says… … … Fill the plate, **_Dean!_**"' Laughed out the little girl as she and the gang had a tea party.

"Can I have some tea?" came a muffled voice from the closet, "I'm thirsty!"

"Um, what's that?" Asked a really confused Link, looking at the closet.

"Oh, that's the voice of my dead father…" said the little girl sadly. "I'm not dead!" came a voice from the closet, "I was just knocked out!"

"Um, well the voice of my mortally wounded father." Said the little girl again, sadly. "I'm getting better!" Came a voice from the closet. "Oh, shut up!" screamed the girl, "You're not fooling anyone, old man!" "I thing I'll go for a walk!" came her father's voice again.

"Excuse me." Said the girl politely, as she walked over to the closet.

"I feel happy!" came her father's voice, "I feel happy! I feel hap- argh!"

A loud BANG noise was heard, and she came back to the table with a smoking shotgun.

"Um, where is everyone?" asked the girl

"I dunno… Pass the sugar, please" Evil Donut Man said before being dragged away by Link.

"Oh, well. Want some tea, Mr.Bigglesworth?" Asked the little girl to her stuffed animal.

So, how'd you like it? I liked it. Link didn't like it. So I put him in a room with ruto, and several relatives of Navi, and he should be out of there any minute now. So, just remember: If you feel pretty, you're probably in denial, and are as ugly as Navi is annoying. So, RR, people! I don't have to- "There he is!" Oh, no! It's the cops! Review! **Runs off**


	4. Auther's Note

Auther Note Thingy For.  
secret service ch.3

Um, Hey, people who read my story! (smiles a reviewers) Ya, the little girl in chapter three, If I was a Farmer, I'd Probably farm Corn, was the girl with the dad who's a gibdo. (Those who have played MM probably know what I'm talking about, if you under stand me, of course) ya know, in the Canyon (can't remember the name) she runs out of the music house for 2 minutes, she comes out if you place a bomb outside the door, and if you play the song of healing, her father (who is a gibdo in the closet) comes back to life, and gives you the Gibdo mask.

Those who now know what the little girl is get a cookie!

those who still don't know get a spoon. So... thanks for reviewing, and thanks for reading, and thanks for NOT reviewing to those who read, but didn't review. Sorry for lost review, origonal reviewers, but the chapter box was screwed up (or so I thought), and I reloaded it, therfore removing the origonal reviewers. Sorry for the "false" chapter, but... No, I'm no. Bye! (dissiperes in a flash of chocolate sprincles and jimmies) (lol... love the jimmies in the eyes... more chapters to come!) 


End file.
